I woke up today in an empty bed, in an empty room, in an empty house. I lingered for a while, giving equal attention to my iPhone and to the dog laying at the foot of the bed.
I was in the shower when I heard the metallic groan of the garage door and my girlfriend’s father returning home, to his home, where I am now living.
One month ago, he woke in the middle of the night to find his wife convulsing uncontrollably in their bed.
In all appearances, she fell asleep a completely healthy person and woke up, days later, a stage-four lung cancer patient. Brain surgery, daily radiation treatments, and chemotherapy have followed.
Today, my girlfriend and her father are alternating shifts at the hospital. Last night was the third night in-a-row he spent by his wife’s bedside after a blood clot lodged itself in her lung this week.
I never knew my girlfriend’s father before I moved in with the family. So, after I finished my shower, I sheepishly tip-toed into the kitchen. He wasn’t there, but his lunch, a pan of frozen french fries, was warming in the oven and filling the house with the aroma of reanimated salt and fat.
I spent the next few hours aimlessly driving around Jacksonville, a sprawling suburbia of vacant strip malls, chain restaurants, and total strangers.
When my girlfriend learned of her mother’s condition, she immediately left Brooklyn. She now works part-time to support the family (they lost their mortgage company with the collapse of the housing market), handles her mother’s medical decisions, and spends whatever time she has left dealing with mounting bills and bureaucratic red-tape. She’s 26 years old.
In an hour, my girlfriend will be home again and my life here will have purpose (starting with making dinner). In the face of cold percentages, pain, and uncertainty, I’m not sure what good I really do for her, but I dismiss those feelings when I can. Dull stretches of my own are punctuated by events of near infinite pain for this family; circumstances ensure that I’m a bit character in their drama.
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About the author: Bud Caddell is a strategist, blogger, and speaker. He’s currently writing his first book, tentatively titled The Bucket Brigade. Visit BudCaddell.com
